Iain Duncan Smith has denied trying to impregnate a young jackal.
The welfare secretary was forced onto the defensive amid rumours of an affair involving a senior Tory politician and another unidentified mammal that cannot be named for legal reasons.
Mr Duncan Smith insisted a recent trip to sub-saharan Africa had absolutely nothing to do with a picking out the perfect specimen to take part in a special project.
He added: “I have never had intercourse with a jackal and currently have no plans to do so.
“My recent trips to Africa were about finding out how much money people really need in order to survive. Let’s just say, I was pleasantly surprised…”
Bill McKay, from Stevenage, said: “When I heard a senior Tory had been having an affair, I automatically assumed, like everyone else, that Iain Duncan Smith had been fucking a jackal in a bid to conceive the Dark Lord who will terrorise mankind in a Thousand Year Reign of Fire and Blood.
if you’re in or around London on Saturday the 22nd of June here’s a thing you should check out at Central Hall, Westminster 9 - 5
The People’s Assembly against Austerity with discussions on tactics, housing, unions, NHS, climate change, education (to name but a few) as well as performances from the likes of Josie Long, Mark Thomas, Mark Steel and Francesca Martinez
the third realisation of my latest score - i fought evil by the light of the moon performed at the button factory, waterloo, ontario - sunday june 9th 2013 by the Thin Edge New Music Collective with special guests. violin - ilana waniuk & suhashini arulanandam piano - cheryl duvall percussion - nathan petipas & olaf szester voice - véronique dault flute - sarah yunji moon oboe - elizabeth eccleston